Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The lesser of two evils

It seems you can't get away with anything involving women these days without at least ONE femenist (see: stupid) group crying foul. Aaaaaand here comes today's contestant! 'Collective Shout' is a group of aging, ugly, frumpy women (see: harpies), most likely single or at the very least married to a small, ridiculously betafied boy whose testicles have long been confiscated and locked away, never to be seen again. What use could you possibly have for them anyway? Not like you'll be getting any kiddo, not unless you like the sound of your woman screaming "RAPE" while you're objectifying her on your honeymoon. You monster.

For your consideration, please find enclosed; violence against women in its purest form.
You know how we roll here children, read your notes!

So if you live in Australia and watch television, chances are you've seen those Rivers ads, but for our esteemed international readers, I'll break it down for you.

Rivers is a run of the mill clothing brand who have recently started having massive sales on their shitty merchandise. As you can see from the 1 minute video above, their advertising team is worth about as much as one unit of the clothing itself, so you can imagine how infuriating it would be to see this shit spruiked all over TV when you're trying to watch teenage sluts lie about getting knocked up by pro athletes (more on that another time).

BACK TO THE TOPIC, J. Cole style (look it up). So Rivers has catalogues as well as these terrible TV ads, and in a recent one, a leggy model presumably dead is featured in the background of a page selling yet more shitty merch. Enter the new age femcunt. Some group called 'Collective Shout' have brought up yet another ridiculously inane issue with something involving women and have turned it into something that is apparently newsworthy.

"Rivers has been excelling in the objectification of women for some time now,"

If you read the article like you should have, you will notice that not even one example of this excellent objectification of women is provided. Whether this is just bad writing on the author's part (which I don't doubt, considering it's the Age) or just another sweeping generalisation (see: everyday femenist talk) is hard to say. However, if you google Melinda Tankard Reist (the woman quoted above), you will get images of a frumpy old woman who never wears makeup, presumably because it also objectifies women, who is constantly standing at a podium.
This, people, is your new face of femenism. Forget Germaine Greer, that old hag is just too old school for these new school hoes. What's this shit about equality Ms. Greer? It's about causing a fuss for no reason now, you're too old, you wouldn't understand, go burn some more bras while we talk about how this ad forced dear old 'Yetica to rape the nearest female (DISCLAIMER: No one was raped during the making of this blog post).

 "Violence against women is a common marketing tactic in videos such as Kanye West's Monster, says Ms Reist, but she finds the Rivers catalogue particularly disturbing "because it's so mainstream."

Ummmmmmm what? Again, that's right folks, this woman who claims to be a "social commentator with a particular interest in women's issues and bioethics" (quote taken from her self titled website) is so out of touch with pop culture (read: society) that she is really under the impression that Rivers > Kanye West.
Yes, pop culture does not always translate to the entirety of society, but spend one day in Melbourne and you'll see what I mean. This woman who is preaching to young girls every day telling them to empower themselves against the chauvenistic shackles instituted by the evil gender of males has literally said that Rivers is too mainstream, in the same sentence as she has mentioned Kanye West. It should also be noted that neither I, nor any of my friends from Melbourne have received this catalogue. We have all, however, heard of how Kanye dated Amber Rose, a bald headed stripper. There are at least 20 Rivers stores or outlets in Melbourne and the greater Melbourne area.

Luckily it seems there is a thin ray of hope at the end of the tunnel, "Three previous complaints about Rivers advertising lodged by Collective Shout have been dismissed by the Advertising Standards Board". Life doesn't seem THAT bad anymore right? Well, just as quickly as the ray of light is seen, it is snuffed out with emphasis, "Part of the reason this kind of violent imagery is popular is because it attracts attention, but in this case I think it's safe to say it's the wrong kind of attention", said femenist writer Rachel Hills.
Yup, when I saw those legs, the first thing I thought was, "you know what? I could realllllly go for some good ol' violence against women today!" (DISCLAIMER #2: I actually thought "why doesn't rivers actually sell shoes like the ones featured on these legs?").
It is also interesting to note that upon googling "femenist writer Rachel Hills" I was greeted with this man faced, frumpy, non-made up PILLAR OF VIRTUE AGAINST MEN. Am I the only one noticing a theme here . . . ?

As if all of that femenist bullshit isn't enough, here is the kicker, "The group is also urging women to boycott the company's stores."
These painfully single women are SO out of touch that they feel the need to urge women to boycott this retailer. It is this blogger's humble opinion that if you really need to be urged to boycott this hole of an outlet, you should have long before been dragged out behind the wood shed for a good old fashioned ass whooping.

Still though, it is hard to determine which is the lesser of two evils here. I say that Rivers has a predetermined lifespan, stupidity, however, does not. It has stood the test of time and only stands to spawn yet more stupidity, this time, in the form of 'femenism'. For the first time this red blooded male actually feels bad for the true femenists out there.

...but those feelings of sympathy are soon overwhelmed by my innate, basic male instinct to harm females, AM I RIGHT MEN? (DISCLAI- ahhh fuck it)


1 comment:


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