Monday, May 2, 2011

Golden Standards

Alright folks, I know it’s been a long while since there was an update, and I for one, blame my ridiculous uni schedule and stacking up of bullshit group assignments. Also I’ve been super lazy, but today came an article that finally stirred me from my slumber. Two police shootings in Melbourne in 2 days…no thanks. Osama Bin Laden killed? Pass. Nope, this one is about Australian television’s night of nights; the TV Week Logie awards.

Now for those loyal international readers (ones we haven’t already lost due to sporadic updating), I’ll break it down for you. Americans: think Daytime Emmys, but downgraded by about 10 times. Worse shows, worse actors, much lower production values and just grade-A bullshit. Everyone else: it’s a shitty award show where people who consistently give terrible performances on television are rewarded for their shittiness. It’s kind of like if there was an award show where the only candidates are Andy Dick.

Anyhow, here is today’s reading material, hot off the press from the ever illustrious .

 Ahhh the coveted gold Logie; the award everyone on Australian television lusts after for some unknown reason. The damn thing is ugly as hell.

Karl, his wife and the gold Logie.

 The winner of the gold Logie for 2011 is one Karl Stefanovic, television host and disaster report go-to-guy for channel Nine in 2011. Hilariously made a fool of himself in a previous Logies award ceremony by getting smashed and doing drunk-guy shit on camera.

“Thanking his wife Cas, he said: "She has been a great influence on my life and has also got the best arse I have ever seen."

Enter: contemporary feminism. Now if you have done your reading, you will know that this article is mostly about shit that happened at the Logies that night. However part of this article is devoted to Karl’s acceptance speech, where he apparently made and ass of himself.
The above quote is the line in question where people have ridiculously dubbed Stefanovic a sexist, or at the very least, labeled the comment sexist. Let’s take a step back and examine this line for a bit. Karl Stefanovic has done his fair share of reporting this year, the various and numerous natural disasters, the royal wedding, all that jazz. He comes home to be at this award ceremony and wins the most illustrious Logie of them all. In his acceptance speech he credits his wife (read it people: WIFE) for having been a great influence on his life, and also for having “the best arse [he] has ever seen”.    
Now, children, can anybody tell me what is so sexist about this comment? The man is obviously elated from having beat out all the other chumps for the most-valuable-chump award. In his acceptance speech, the man compliments his WIFE - not his girlfriend or mistress, but the woman he’s married and has children with – for being a great influence on him and also for having a nice arse. SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT WENT WRONG HERE.
In 2011, countless articles have been written about how women are not appreciated or valued enough by men, not given the credence they deserve and downright trodden on by us chauvinist pigs (there are some on this very blog), and this guy compliments his wife’s ass and is immediately labeled a sexist? Is there even a slight possibility of men NOT being labeled sexist short of first being spayed? I can’t recite my fucking ABC’s without being labeled a fucking sexist.

Now I know some of you might be thinking this is the end, and oh how I wish it was, but if you’ve ever read any of my shit on Stashbox, you’ll know that it’s never over with these stupid femcunts.

Most of the article is useless babble about other stuff that happened at the Logies, but right near the end comes the kicker:

“But picking up her best new talent award, The Circle host Chrissie Swan showed why the audience loves her.
Looking at ageing classical musician Andre Rieu, she said: " I tell you what Andre, if I was 30 years older!"
Six months pregnant, Swan said: "I'm a hormone with a hairdo" and spoke of how she shares the couch on The Circle with a group of women who share their tears and "we talk about boobies and whatever".
"See if you can throw that piece of cake into my mouth"

I tell you what Andre, if I was 30 years older. And maybe 100 kilos lighter… But seriously now, this woman who hosts a morning panel show (a panel made up of women, hint hint) has basically propositioned (you know how I mean) a distinguished musician, and "the audience loves her". ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? Not only is the generously named “best new talent award” a fucking farce (as well as the whole ceremony itself), but she has gotten on stage and made a sex gag in front of hundreds of thousands and it’s all good? FUCK THAT.

 For those of you who don't get the point yet, I'll put it in layman's terms:
 ‘I love and appreciate my wife’s influence and physical body’ – SEXIST
‘I’m a massively fat land whale and I would have sex with you, Andre Rieu, if only I was EVEN OLDER THAN I ALREADY AM’ – HILARIOUS
Take into account that Andre Rieu is an established and highly acclaimed classical musician who makes millions of dollars and is considered a pretty funny guy, and this fat bitch becomes more and more offensive as the seconds pass.

You think this:
She isn't even pregnant here. No I'm not kidding

Has a legit case to get with this????
See that shit behind him? That's a goddamn ORCHESTRA. You couldn't even get a chair behind Swan.

Not only does this quote offend me, but my eyes have been assaulted with the visual of this queen-of-dugongs while she is fully clothed, let alone doing the nasty with an old man. “Where is the justice?” I hear you asking. I’ll tell you where; in Johanna Griggs’ control:

“Seven's Johanna Griggs, accepting a Logie for Better Homes and Gardens, took him to task on it, and the room was with her. "Karl, we don't have bum and boobs jokes; it's just nice family viewing," she said.

She later told The Australian that the ceremony "didn't have to be like that . . . I was just saying, 'C'mon, guys, it's a really smart room just lift it a little bit'".

No kidding people. Family viewing apparently does not include the appreciation of a man’s wife, however it does include a vision of obesity (won’t somebody think of the children?) propositioning a distinguished man in front of hundreds of thousands. We don’t have bum and boobs jokes hey Johanna? Well your good friend Jabba the Hut begs to differ, “we talk about boobies and whatever”.

And I ask again: WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?

Enjoy being free while you can, boys, because with the way this bullshit is seeping into peoples’ minds, being a man will soon be a crime punishable by death…or maybe they’ll just make you get with Chrissie Swan.